Ah, the never-ending struggle known as love! Love is that emotion that has the power to penetrate all other emotions, healing us on our deepest levels of being. But what happens when love itself becomes corrupt and negative emotions creep in, such as fear, anxiety, or anger? The result is an adulterated version of love, known as obsession.
None of us want to believe that we're obsessed with anything or anyone since obsession denotes a harmful state of being. But in fact, we're all obsessed with something: some of us may be obsessed with clothes, others with food and eating, still others with the way we look or with our work.
What we need to understand is that obsession is never a positive thing. Even if we're obsessed with helping the world or spreading love, which are positive in essence, no thought or act should dominate our lives to the point that we live only for it. Moderation is truly key: everything in moderation, nothing taken to an excess. This includes food, money, love, etc. etc. When we take anything to an excessive state, we overthrow the delicate balance within our minds.
Below are questions to note and what to do to get over obsession.
1. Identify who you think you're obsessed with: This is a pretty easy question to answer. Is there a person you're interested in who you just can't get off your brain?
2.) How much of your day is taken up thinking about him or her: Are they the first thing you think about when you wake up or the last thing before you go to sleep? Do they suddenly float into your mind as you're working, socializing, or occupied with other activities?
3.) What routine activities are interrupted by him or her: If they don't return your phone call or don't want to see you, do you feel emotionally damaged? Do you cry easily because of this person, and are you overly sensitive to their responses to you?
4.) What is your expected outcome: Do you realistically expect to be with this person, or do you know deep down that that will never happen?
5.) What is their response to you: How does this person treat you, in turn? Do they make an effort to be with you or are you always the one to seek them?
6.) Are you hiding your obsession: Are you afraid to admit to anyone else just how much you dwell on this person? Do you have feelings of shame or embarrassment to confess how much you think about them?
7.) Evaluate your life within this person: How would your life be if you weren't stuck on this person? Would you actually feel freer and more willing to try and find a new love interest?
8.) Get to the root of the problem: Where is this obsession coming from? Were you traumatized by a breakup or damaged by a former relationship, which is making you not want to let go under any circumstance?
9.) Realize the need to detach: After answering these questions honestly, do you feel a guilty need to detach from this person for your own well-being?
How to Detach
Here are five simple steps to apply every day to help you detach:
1.) Start your day with empowerment: Say a quick prayer of empowerment each morning. Ask the Divine to make this a stress-free day and believe that it will be. Affirm to yourself as soon as you wake up that your happiness is not dependent on this person. Recite quotes which strengthen your independence and inner force.
2.) "Replace" your obsession: Exchange your obsession for a much more positive activity. Every time you find yourself thinking of the person, force your thoughts away to a more pleasant idea. Contemplate a project, think about an upcoming event that excites you, or evaluate the outcome a different concern. The more you force yourself to think about something else, the more you train your brain to function on other elements of life.
3.) Turn to others for inspiration: This is not a time to isolate yourself. Rely on the support and compassion of friends and family, especially those who have experienced similar situations. Seek experiences like yours to help inspire you to overcome your dilemma. For example, buy a book which explores the theme of letting go of a former love and relate this to your own life.
4.) Practice self-care: This is the time to take care of yourself. Invest in yourself and your needs. You are your own main priority. There's nothing wrong with a bit of self-pampering; exercise regularly, take care of your health, splurge on one item, reinvent your look- anything to make yourself happy!
5.) Get into a new routine: You need to distract yourself, even force yourself to look the other way when all you want to see is this person. You need to rewire the neurons in your brain to turn away from the "obsession" corner they're crowded in. Daily activities help with this. Take up a new hobby, join a club, do anything which does not harm you and which doesn't remind you of the person.
Like anything else in life, detachment takes time and is a process. But the results are remarkably liberating: a life in which an unhealthy obsession doesn't dominate your day to day thoughts and actions.
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