Trust and Gaining Trust

Hi there,
It’s  Danjuma
In day-to-day life activities, from school to work, relationships, homes and everywhere you can think of, you find people making comments like “that person can’t be trusted”. When such comments are made about someone, people take extra caution when relating with the person in question (or not even relate with such people at all).
Trust is really necessary for smooth co-habitation with other people. In your work place, lack of trust in you from your superiors may deny you lots of privileges (which may slow down your progress), no matter how qualified you may be. If you’re not trusted in school, you might have to go through hell-of-a-stress defending even the cheapest of grades.
Trust is most important in relationships, when you tell your spouse/partner you’d be staying late at work, or you’re on a ladies’ night out, you don’t want them (your partner) thinking you’re making excuses to not be around or ultimately think you’re cheating on them. Lack of trust has led to lots of major problems in relationships and most break ups are based on trust problems.
Be that as it may, getting people to trust you isn’t so much of an herculean task. Here are a few tips that may help you gain people’s trust anywhere
When you fix an appointment, be there on time
When you make a promise, try (as much as possible to fulfill it)
Try as much as possible to be sincere/truthful at all times.
Don’t let your known duties drag.
Try as much as possible not to be secretive
Do not surprise a lot (if you must surprise, be very sure it’s pleasurable)
Do not try too hard (at anything), people may start suspecting hidden intentions.
These few points, as well as understanding the nature of the person you are dealing with will surely help in winning their trust.
It is worthy of note however, that there are people who find it difficult to trust anybody. So, if you are satisfying your conscience and you’re still not winning their trust, they may have what some people call trust problems.
Please check out my newest poem Dear Old Soldier on my blog danjuman.wordpress.com  thanks

These may mean your partner is cheating.....Watchout

Many of us do suspect our partners to be cheating on us, and we are always looking for that chance to catch them red handed. Well, some cheating partners are so smart; you’ll never find them beside that girl/guy they are cheating with. Here are just a few things that will suggest your partner is most probably cheating.

1. He tells you he isn't really ready for a relationship early on. Yet he acts in a way that makes you think he’s serious. You just keep it on cos he is handsome and fun to be with, thinking one day he’ll change and realize you’re the one

2. He passwords almost every folder on his tab, except the ones that involve you. That way you can't see his texts o any other things that may rouse any questions.

3. He takes his phone with him every time he goes to the restroom.
4. He has more female friends than you do, and he only has a few guy friends.
5. You haven't met a lot of his friends even though you go out with him a lot. Not even when you go to his place
6. His phone battery seems to die more than the average person’s.
7. He gives you just enough attention to keep you around but not enough to actually move forward in your "relationship."
9. He always has a reason why you can’t meet up with him. Like he's "not sure when he’ll be off work” or “he’s hanging out with guys”
10. He stops making the sexy moves.
11 He calls himself a “loner” frequently, my sister it’s time to take a walk
12. He’s a bad communicator, and takes very long to text you back. He’s probably texting your rivals.
13. He agrees to plans you make together, but occasionally backs out later
14. He lies about almost everything, even the most inconsequential things, and later tells you he’s just pulling your legs.
15. He has a lot of numbers in his phone that aren’t saved with names (or are saved with strange names). You can bet those numbers chat with him in a flirty manner.
16. You find scandalous texts on his phone like “Yesternite was awesome sweetie” “You at home baby?
17. He freaks out when you pick his phone just to check the time and he later gives you dumb excuses like “phones are really personal”. Are you not his personal person?
18. Lastly , if you notice any of these things or any other things that make you uncomfortable, you calmly and politely approach your partner about it and he or she lashes out at you, or makes you feel insecure. This is because he/she is deflecting.


Most importantly, a good relationship is built on understanding your partner and talking things out. So, don’t jump into conclusion after noticing one or two signs, but if it’s getting to like four five, Omo na time to pack your load ooo, to avoid impending heartbreak.

Hey Hi

Hi all, Am Danjuma (nickname). I've bn invited to come do a bit of writing on Ruth's blog. Hope we have a jolly ride together.
I'm not so much of a writer, buh  I try my bit, I also do some few poems too.
Hope you get to enjoy the little I can do.
First real post will be here in minutes.

WAAWOOO! Naira now goes for 208 (215) to a dollar

The naira, on Friday, depreciated against the dollar as it traded at N208 from the N191.50 it sold for on Monday, January 19. (it's about N215 as of today)

The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that the new rate had made the naira to lose N16.50 within five days. The CBN’s website, however, put the naira against the dollar at N167.50, while the pound sold for N253.20 and the euro stood at N193.89.


 he development has resulted into speculation in the market and caused ripple effects on other currencies. NAN correspondent who visited some bureau de change and black market operators in Lagos said that they could not give rates to the pound sterling and the euro. Dealers who preferred anonymity said that there was scarcity of dollars in circulation. They said that the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) had stopped selling forex to the bureaux de change since last year.

The dealers added that the recent review of trading positions for the forex trading to 72 hours also contributed to speculation in the system. The effect, they added, was that the naira could depreciate further by next week. NAN recalled that the CBN in November 2014 devalued the naira. (NAN)

Photos: President Jonathan meets with entertainers in Lagos

Nigerian entertainers including Omawumi, Patience Ozokwor, Bovi, Omobaba, Mike Ezuronye, Emem Isong and other met with president Jonathan in Lagos this evening. More pics after the cut...

Amber Rose confirms coming to Lagos for D'banj's show

Get ready Lagos, for a sexy weekend with Amber Rose and Blac Chyna… As AMBER ROSE confirms her coming to lagos on instagram!

Celebrities spotted having fun with their families at private beach

Stars like ace comedian AY Makun and family, Sound Sultan and family, Ubi Franklin, Tekno and so on, chose to spend there’s at a private beach. Nollywood, Actress Omoni Oboli was there as well..

Read full gist here: http://www.radar.ng/gist/comedian-ay-spend-some-quality-time-with-family-and-friends-at-the-beach/

 Some celebrities were spotted on a private beach with their family enjoying the festive period.

Stars like ace comedian AY Makun and family, Sound Sultan and family, Ubi Franklin, Tekno and so on, chose to spend there’s at a private beach.

Nollywood, Actress Omoni Oboli was there as well..

Read full gist here: http://www.radar.ng/gist/comedian-ay-spend-some-quality-time-with-family-and-friends-at-the-beach/

Nigerians express their disatisfaction over gate fee billing at Watch Night Service in Christ Embassy

Pastor Chris Oyakhilome of Christ Embassy

People were angry and shocked when they heard that members of Christ Embassy Church Headquaters ‎in Lagos had to pay N1,000 each as gate fee to attend a New Year’s Eve service presided over by Pastor Chris Oyakhilome have shocked many Nigerians and infuriated others.

Worshippers who wanted to attend the crossover service at Christ Embassy’s headquarters on Billings ‎Way in Oregun Area of Lagos on 31 December, 2014, were made to obtain gate passes that sold for N1,000 each.

Those who could not afford such passes were turned back and told that they could go elsewhere to worship or watch the service online for free.

While the practice ‎is not new in Christ Embassy Church, it led to an uproar in January 2011 after it was first introduced on 31 December, 2010.

Many people described it then as extortion, abuse of ‘Jesus’ teachings and another confirmation that some Nigerian churches and pastors are more interested in making money than winning souls for God.

But the church explained, though informally, that it was a way of controlling the crowd and discouraging thousands of people who come to church once a year on 31 December and prevent “real worshippers” from securing seats at the headquarters on that important night.

The argument did not win many fans and under a barrage of criticisms, the church prayed the matter would be forgotten. Nigerians also hoped gate fee collection would stop.

But the practice has continued and is now seen as routine with those who cannot afford the money being turned back on 31 December of every year.

With a sitting capacity of roughly 20,000 seats, Christ Embassy might have made at least N20 million from the sale of gate passes used for the crossover service.

Things a guy can do for a girl that are more intimate than sex

Whenever we speak of intimacy, the first thing that comes into people’s minds is sex.
But really, intimacy is not all about sex and as a matter of fact sex is just a little part of intimacy.
Sex can be intimate, but more often than not it isn’t. Intimacy is closeness, and although we certainly get physically close during sex, mentally we can be miles apart.
True intimacy relies on knowledge — on knowing people just as well, if not better, than they know themselves. It’s not difficult for men to become more intimate with their women.
Not as difficult as one might think… but you are going to have to make the effort. Here are a few things you’ll want to try:

1. Make her trust you.

One of the most important way a guy can be intimate with a guy is by earning her trust and making her know that you will always have her back. Make her feel free to tell you anything. Make her know you don't have sex as a priority, and even when she is at her most vulnerable and emotional state don't take sexual advantage of her.

2. Tell her she’s beautiful.

There is no shortage of men who are willing to compliment women on a daily basis. The difference between them and you, however, is that when you tell the woman you love that she’s beautiful, it isn’t with ulterior motives.
You don’t tell a thousand women whatever they want to hear just to sleep with them. You are telling the woman you love that, in that moment, she is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.
When a woman knows you find her so positively stunning — inside and out — she’ll never have to worry about you straying or your feelings faltering. Trust is the most intimate thing two people can share.

3. Write her a love letter.

There’s plenty that can be said without words, but every woman wants to hear how much you love her.
Give her a physical thing that she can go back and reference whenever she misses you or feels uncertain of your love, and she’ll feel much more secure — and happier.
You don’t have to be a good writer to write a good love letter. Just put into words — the best you can — why she means the world to you. Don’t type it; write it by hand so that when she looks at the words, she feels that it’s you who wrote them.

4. Take a vacation together.

One of the best ways to become more intimate with your lover, to get to know and understand her more deeply, is to take a long trip together. Not just a weekend — two weeks minimum.
Intimacy is all about getting close to the other, and there is no better way to understand a woman better than to throw yourselves into an irregular or uncommon situation.
People are very good at keeping up façades when they’re feeling comfortable, when they’re surrounded by familiar surroundings.
Take that individual and place her in the middle of the unknown, the inexperienced, and you get to see her at her most intimate and basic levels — the level at which she is forced to take in novel information and then use that information to make real time judgements and decisions.

5. Take care of her when she’s sick and allow her to take care of you when you’re sick.

If you want to become more intimate with your partner, then you are going to have to accept her, not only at her best, but also at her worst. I’m sorry ladies, but no woman — or man for that matter — looks good when she’s coughing up a lung.
When your woman is sick, she is — quite literally — at her most vulnerable. Think about the way you feel and act when you physically feel horrible. I’d bet my life that you aren’t the jolly, pleasant person you usually are.
That’s why letting her see you when you’re at your most vulnerable is also extremely intimate. You can see how far she’s willing to go for you, and how much of you you’re willing to show.

6. Sleep with her (without having sex).

It’s easy to share a bed with a woman, whether you love her or not. The harder part is not making a move when the beautiful woman next to you says she isn’t ready or she isn’t in the mood.
Embracing a woman tenderly with no intention of taking it further means your feelings extend past the normal libidinal urges you suffer from. Cuddling a woman because you love her means needing to be close to her because it makes you happy.
This kind of happiness lasts more than a night — it lasts for a lifetime.

7. Stare into each other’s eyes for extended periods of time.

There is little in the world that makes us feel more uncomfortable than extended periods of eye contact. They say that the eyes are the windows to our souls — and I don’t think they, whomever they may be, are wrong.
Looking deep into your lover’s eyes most likely won’t show you her deepest inner secrets, but it will show you how comfortable the two of you are with each other.
The longer you’re able to stare, the more comfortable the two of you are. If you want to break down whatever barriers are left in your relationship, focus on more eye contact.

8. Meet the family.

A person is not just a person. She’s a combination of all the people she was influenced by growing up — primarily, her family. We base all our relationships in life on the relationships we have with our family members.
They are our oldest relationships, and because we formed them in our earliest years, they greatly shaped the way we perceive interpersonal interaction and relationships.
You can often learn more about your partner from the people she surrounded herself with than you can learn from her herself.

9. Spend the holidays together.

Human beings are creatures that focus much of their energy on holding on to traditions. Sadly, this makes progress incredibly difficult as no one especially enjoys change. However, there is much to be said about the importance of healthy traditions.
Keep in mind that the traditions she has now are more than likely the traditions that she’ll want to pass down to you and the children you have together.
It’s always a good idea to spend time with the people you want to get to know better in moments of tradition and celebration. It allows for an understanding that few other instances allow for.

10. Absolutely nothing.

The most intimate thing two people can ever do is absolutely nothing. Consider how difficult it is for most of us to do nothing at all on our own. We feel restless, uncomfortable, bored.
Now, imagine lying next to the love of your life and not doing anything other than sucking in the reality around you, breathing in the moment and each other. Intimacy doesn’t just involve action. It doesn’t just involve the attainment of information or better understanding.
The purest form of intimacy is simply living together — not living in the sense of sharing an apartment, but living in the sense of breathing and listening to your heart beat.
If you and the woman you love feel comfortable doing nothing at all together then you’ll likely feel comfortable with just about everything else.

Painful realities of being the other woman.

No matter how we see it or even what the society calls it, being the other woman is something quite a number of women feel good doing and the fact that she is the other woman does not make her a whore, also it does not mean she has no feelings.


Being the other woman actually hurts.
Everyone has a way of stigmatizing the other woman and they have a right to but lets take a moment to walk in their shoes and see what they pass through.

6 truths about the other woman. 

• Most of them go into the relationship with the knowledge of who they are in the relationship.
• Feelings are invested in the relationship.
• They have their reasons for being in the relationship because it is believed what you know cannot hurt you and it actually pays them off because they are not scared of being cheated on.
• They get jealous too.
• They feel lonely and want more than they have.
• They don't want to be in the shoes of the main woman and they are scared of karma's law.

PAINFUL REALITIES OF BEING THE OTHER WOMAN

1. You can never be proud of your relationship with your man: Everything about the relationship has to be kept secret because you knew you are the second woman and consented to it. You have to play by the rules and have to keep your emotions in check whenever you are in public.This means no going out on dates in public, unless you want to be fuel for gossip. As the one being cheated with, your fellow thief will make sure that you will be far from prying eyes. You will treat each other as strangers when you are in public, but within closed doors, you own each other. In the long run, something like this would take its toll on anyone.
2. You will be stigmatized:  You are still safe to some extent as long as the relationship is kept secret but when people get to know you become stigmatized and you will be seen as a whore and home breaker.
3. You live in denial:  You have to deny that you are dating the man if there is a case of an allegation and this makes you feel guilty for denying the one you love.
4. You see the person you love at his convenience and this created for you boredom and loneliness: When you desire to be with this person you love, you may not be able to because he has to spend time with his family and unless you have other relationships you become lonely and bored. 
5. You have to work and walk by his timing: This means you have to wait for your lover’s go signal to do anything, such as the next time the two of you will get to see each other. The waiting game is such a difficult and, oftentimes, frustrating game to play because you are starved for whatever crumbs of affection your lover has to throw at you.
   Once your tryst is over, you’re left pining and waiting for the next call, which can take days or even weeks to arrive.
6. You have to deal with the fact that you have no life together: The only enjoyable moments you have together is what you lean on, you can not plan your life together because what you share is something that would go sooner or later.
7. You live in fear of being rejected: You will always have the fear that one day all you both shared would be gone as he'll have gone back fully to his main woman and any time he behaves strangely you think of yourself as the loser.
8. You are guilt-ridden. Many women who have entered these kinds of relationships have often complained of sleepless nights. They find themselves wracked with guilt, especially in those moments when they find themselves to be alone without their lover to comfort them. They are guilty on being the object of sin against another woman. Oftentimes, these women feel that this guilt is a one-way street.
9. You will always come after the main woman:  You are not the first so you are the option, he gives you the left over of what his wife won't have. The first few weeks of the relationship may be filled with love and happiness but as time goes on, it gets dawn on you that you don't belong there and you never will. You will see how the entire situation is affecting you as a person. You will know that he will not be there to comfort you during the days when you are feeling down. You cannot spend the holidays with him, and you cannot help but feel saddened by the fact that he is spending the holidays with his legitimate loved one. You cannot hold his hand when you feel like you need it the most, or put your arms around him whenever you feel lonely. 
10. You will freak out with jealousy: The problem with this part is that you may not be able to discuss or make him know how jealous you feel because you knew about her before you started out with him. Also you don't want him to feel insecure with you.
11. The relationship will end: This is the part the other woman never wants to think of but its inevitable and if it doesn't end well, you and your cheating partner may become enemies. You were secret lovers to begin with, and now you must part as strangers. While men have claimed that they are capable of loving more than one woman at the same time, he could only keep his affairs with his mistresses for a certain amount of time. Something such as this cannot last forever. Whether you will be the one who will want to call it quits, or your partner will be the one to initiate it, remember that there is nothing secret that can be hidden forever.

Many women who have found themselves in these precarious situations tend to seek therapy afterwards. There are those who have attested to the fact that being the other woman in the relationship is like committing social suicide. You tend to abandon whatever ideals you have set for yourself in exchange for a few moments of bliss.

Things to learn from your past relationship

Relationships are meant to come and go until we find the right one, when we experience break-ups we should not consider it as the end of life, though getting over a break-up is not usually so easy, but from every mistake there is always a lesson to learn. Those who think that they’ve wasted time with the wrong person are not right, because relationships also offer you opportunities to understand your past, your fears, your essence and what the meaning of the true love is. Love is not a simple thing. You need some time to learn how to love and value the relationship with your beloved. I hope this article will help you focus on your past and find the answers to all annoying questions that make you feel worried.

1. Everyone needs free space: Many people think that a true love means that they should spend 24 hours a day together with the person they love. Such schedule will make you lose your identity in a quite short period of time. Remember, everyone needs some free time and space to satisfy their personal needs and do things that make them feel alive. By all means, don’t let your identity die, because it will be difficult to bounce back.
2. The lust period is temporary This wonderful period usually makes you fly on the wings of love. When you are extremely happy, you spend hours dressing to impress your partner and talking about love till the dawn. Unfortunately, the period of butterflies in the stomach ends fast and amorousness turns into a real and adequate love. Love is the period when you are ready to share both good and bad with the person you love. Love really grows when you have no fear to lose and when you absolutely accept all pros and cons of your significant other
3. Other people don’t belong to you Nowadays we live in a democratic world where people are free and have equal rights and responsibilities. Moreover, we are free to express ourselves and lead an independent life. No matter how long you’ve been together, you should understand that the person you love isn’t your property. People who really love each other are committed to this beautiful feeling and treat each other with respect. Your love is your muse but not your possession. You cannot control the behavior and every step of your partner, because it will only break trust in your relationship. The only adequate thing you can do is to trust him and try to create common rules of commitment both of you should stick to.
4. Complete yourself I do agree that other people can improve you and fill your life with joy and wonderful colors, but you should realize that people will never complete you or live up to your expectations. There’s no need for validation from your partner. First of all, you should learn to cultivate self-love before you can share it with your beloved. Try to develop yourself until you find yourself confident and complete. It requires you to change your actions, thoughts, emotions and behaviors
5. Don’t even try to change your partner You can change many things in this world, but it’s almost impossible to change your partner’s outlook and habits. All you can do is to show the right path to your partner and if they have an internal desire to change, they’ll make a shift. A human psyche has the capacity to ignore things and ideas strongly imposed by others. This way your partner may achieve temporary improvements and then return to their casual habits again. If you cannot stand something in your partner, then you should shift your energy and react to the situation in a different way. It’s better to stay calm and respond everything in cold blood. 
6. Get rid of your inner conflicts Your attitude and behavior in your relationship can be the reflection of your fears and anxiety which reign in your sub consciousness. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you should start from healing your inner world from fears and conflicts. Plus, you need to do all possible things to boost your self-esteem. Begin to love yourself and you’ll be able to share your love with somebody else. 
7. Learn how to let go gracefully It seems that some relationships teach us how to honorably let go. After a considerable reflection on the opportunity to build a happy and healthy relationship, you may realize that this love doesn’t cost your time and energy to continue. Unhappy relationships teach you to struggle for happiness. Furthermore, you should use the opportunity to let go of the past in order to be able to find the true love of all your life and cultivate a long and loving relationship. Don’t become disheartened the next time you face a relationship break-up, because it may help you develop a new vision of the world and start a better relationship. Relationships are an important part of your personal development. Both happy and unhappy relationships help you grow and become an all-rounded person. You should be strong enough to overcome the pain and other challenges, if you want to be happy.